Monday, February 13, 2006

You know you're Korean when...

The following email forward will only be funny to some of you, and funny is an understatement to those lucky few. To the rest it will be boring, mysterious, or insulting.

Enjoy!


You know you're Korean When:

1)You're 12-years old and you don't go home until 10 pm.

2)And yet when you're unmarried at 25, you have to be home by ten.

3)You wrap kimchi around your rice before eating it.

4)You stare like a blinded deer in headlights at anyone different.

5)You attempt to go into the subway or elevator before the people get
out.

6)If you ain't chewing and slurping your food at a loud volume then
you obviously ain't enjoying it.

7)You "slightly disregard" traffic rules. Like stopping at crosswalks
for those pesky pedestrians.

8)You go home and everything smells bad.

9)You think having 4 seasons is really special.

10) You describe any girl over 110 pounds as "fat."

11) Your closet is full of black, brown, and grey clothes.

12) You suddenly want to go to Prague or Bali because you saw them on a
Korean drama.

13) You drive out of a blind alley at 60 km/h.

14) you're an "expert" at making ramyen noodles.

15) You try the doorknob instead of ringing the doorbell or knocking
first.

16) You eat more off your friend's plate than your own.

17) You answer the phone with a loud warbling
Wieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee????????

18) Your favorite teacher is the one that beats you the hardest.

19) The national hero you admire most is the one who has a nuclear bomb
pointed at you.

20) You watch "Planet of the Apes" and you really identify with the apes
or it hits too close to home. Either way, deep down you don't like the
movie.

21) You appear to be thinking you look quite dignified while drinking
your shooter of 2 cent booze after noisily slurping octopus.

22) You're dropping a log in the squatter and spit on the floor in front
of you, thus clearing two orifices at once. Korean multi-tasking.

23) You jump out of the shower at the local gym and stand naked in front
of the mirror blow drying your family jewels.

24) You grab the communal toothbrush at the gym and take it into the
shower with you!

25) Even though you weigh 120 you have to try and out bench the 190
pound guy, because he's a foreigner.

26) You think that your mom's kimchi can cure your grandma's halitosis
and your grandpa's cancer.

27) Your cell phone has more than 20 pictures stored on it...of
yourself.

28) There's more toilet paper in your dining room than your bathroom.

29) You believe that flushing toilet paper down the toilet will clog up
the plumbing so instead, throw your shitty paper in a bin next to the
toilet.

30) You are no longer bothered by the old Korean lady (ajumma) shoving a
mop between your legs as you stand at the urinal.

31) You view the handicapped-ramped crosswalks as a perfect place to
jimmy your car into at an angle. Pedestrians and handicapped people be
damned- you need to park!.

32) You hang a plastic glove filled with water in the window because you
believe mosquitoes and flies are scared of their reflection.

33) You look at thin blonde women and assume they are Russian hookers.

34) You open all of your windows in the middle of winter and crank up
the heat.

35) You're standing in the shower at the Sauna and offer to scrub a
total stranger's back.

36) You don't think it's at all weird to share a hot tub butt naked with
a grandfather and his two grandsons.

37) You open the window a crack when your fan is running, just in case
because you think running fans can kill you!

38) You've traveled to various places in the world and when asked about
whether you liked the food or not, you say, "I don't know." "Did you try
the food?" "No. Well, only the chicken. The only food I ate in Germany was
chicken."

39) You dial a wrong number, proceed to yell at the people on the other
end of the line for not being the people you were trying to call, hang up
on them in a huff......and then hit redial.

40) You do exactly what your boss tells you to do, no matter how stupid
and idiotic.

41) You would never dream of asking to get paid extra for the overtime
worked.

42) You feel well rewarded for the long hours and sacrifice if you get
taken out for sam-gap-sal (Pork BBQ)and a few hours in a singing room once
or twice a year.

43) You sleep under a piece of oversized gauze and call it a sheet.

44) You put sweet potato on pizza.

45) You think picking your teeth or nose in public isn't polite...unless
you oh so discreetly do it with one hand covering up your activity.

46) You push, claw, and elbow your way to position yourself to be the
first to exit the subway car, and then right after you exit, you walk at a
snail's pace.

47) You go on a nice beach vacation, where you sit under the beautiful
shade of your huge umbrella fully clothed, wearing a Darth Vader visor,
covered in sun tan lotion, refusing to go near the water.

48) You eat dog because it supposedly gives your four thrusts instead of
three.

49) After going to the washroom, you wash your hands for 1 second under
ice cold water and dry them in your hair.

50) You open up a new business with an arch of balloons and two dancing
girls.

51) You proudly adorn your new business with a sign that reads:
"SINCE 2005"

52) You close the business two years later after realizing there were
already ten nearly identical businesses on the same block.

53) You would rather park on the sidewalk than the huge parking lot 5
feet away.

54) You drive for 5 hours to spend 30 minutes at some over crowded
tourist trap.

55) You order a side of kimchi to go with your steak.

56) You ask the foreigner next to you if he can use chopsticks, while he
is eating with chopsticks.

57) You deny that Koreans still eat dog, after the foreigner next to you
has just said, "Last night I went out for dog with some Korean friends, it
was better than I thought it would be!"

58) You think eating eel will give you a hard-on, but eating bean
sprouts will make you lose it, and the reasoning behind both is: "the
shape".

59) You correct the pronunciation of the American in the back of your
cab, by saying: "Ahh...you meaneuh Joji Bushi..."

60) You think your foreign co-worker's fridge is full of coca-cola,
burgers, ready-made sandwiches and spaghetti.

61) You think the messages of the Buddha and Jesus are perfectly
compatible with the statement: "Koreans are a superior race."

62) You base that superiority on being a descendent of a bear that ate
garlic.

63) And you claim the above is only a myth, but you believe it. And that
makes sense to you.

64) No one in your country has AIDS, but "kimchi" can cure it.

65) You are a young man who really believes in a future Asian
revolution, after which you, as a Korean, will be administering an Asian
dominated autocracy in which Chinese labor and Japanese technology are
under your boot. But whitey is way under that, and Africa and Southeast
Asia have somehow disappeared. You perform self-love to this fantasy
daily.

66) You laugh at your foreign co-worker's "Brooseuh Williseuh" shaved
head, while pressing down your comb-over with a hand covered in your own
saliva.

67) Your students try to convince you that Catholics are NOT Christians.

68) Your students tell you that they are devout Catholics but don't know
who the Pope is.

69) You order pizza and it comes with corn and mayonnaise as well as a
side serve of pickles to put on top.

70) You think that smoking in a crowded restaurant (with a no smoking
sign) or any other place is perfectly acceptable behavior for men but
woman who smoke in public are clearly prostitutes.

71) Your students are convinced that music by The Beatles is hard core
rock'n'roll.

72) You see a flashing green walking man in the distance indicating that
pedestrians may cross...and you run at full pelt, as though you were
running away from a T-Rex, to cross the road. God forbid having to wait 2
minutes until the next one.

73) You think that the sink in the bathroom/public toilet is for fixing
your hair and appearance and NOT for washing your hands after going to the
toilet.

74) You have a terrible cold and it doesn't occur to you that coughing
in other people's faces and food will make them sick too.

75) You honestly believe foreigners care about whose island
takashimi/dokdo is!

76) You think an ambulance with a siren blazing is just another car.
Therefore, you need not make way.

77) You hear the monthly air-raid sirens you are totally unfazed and go
about your business.

78) You stick a needle in your thumb to relieve indigestion.

79) You wear an undershirt with a t-shirt.

80) You own a cell phone with a built-in breathalyzer.

81) Your main purpose of going to the office everyday is to persuade
your colleague(s) into a night of drinking.

82) Low cut, v-neck, floral print, pink t-shirt, shiny jeans, and Paris
Hilton-esque sunglasses are perfectly acceptable items for a heterosexual
man to wear for a night on the prowl.

83) You put corn on/in any kind of Western food.

84) You warn your visiting friends/family about how hot ALL Korean food
is... and check to make sure they can eat it when they're half done.

85) You understand why prior to a given date there will be no heat and
after a given date there will no longer be heat, regardless of the
weather.

86) You cover your mouth when you laugh or smile but not when you cough
or sneeze.

87) In the winter (-10 degree weather), you wear short skirts, but in
the summer(in +40 weather) you cover all skin with jeans and a sweater
because that's the fashion.

88) You don't wear deodorant because 'Koreans don't sweat.?>>

Who made it this far?

38 Comments:

At February 14, 2006 10:58 AM , Blogger Kiran said...

yeah, what is the deal with 'having four seasons" really? almost every korea i met would say proudly to me when talking about their country "in korea, we have four seasons...do you also have four seasons in canada?"

i just didn't get it...doesnt' everywhere have four seasons...what else could there be... five seasons...two seasons...?

and as for the rest of them, yes, yes yes...!!!!

 
At February 14, 2006 10:17 PM , Blogger Jessica said...

Too bad the best two seasons last for three weeks and the other two are brutal.

 
At February 15, 2006 3:19 AM , Blogger Tony Lawless said...

When a Korean says about the four seasons, I think it is a good idea to say that in Canada we have five: spring, summer, fall, winter and blancmange.

 
At February 15, 2006 10:51 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Haha...
I've never been to Korea but some of those made me laugh out loud. Please tell me number 24 was a joke! (communal toothbrushes...really?)

(it's Heidi by the way. I love reading your blog!)

 
At February 16, 2006 6:06 AM , Blogger Jessica said...

Blancmange? I don't get it. I also don't get a notification whenever you post a comment. Weird.

Heidi, I can't say I've seen a communal toothbruth but I doesn't sound so far fetched!!! I use the communal hair comb and always think one and a half times before going for it.

 
At February 17, 2006 3:10 AM , Blogger Tony Lawless said...

The comment about blancmange is deliberately designed to baffle. I guess it worked too well, if you didn't get it.

It's all about outdoing the other person with a comment that will not provoke further discussion because it's too confusing.

Monty Python (if you know this) once had a skit in which an overbearing boss asked a group of workers whether they agreed with his latest idea.

The first person said yes, and was fired for being a yes man.

The second said no, and was fired for being difficult.

A third person was then asked to state their opinion.

After a brief pause, this third replied "Splunge", which he subsequently claimed meant both yes and no.

I don't know if this clarifies things.

And I also don't know about the lack of notification for my posts.

 
At February 17, 2006 11:55 PM , Blogger Jessica said...

Who are you, TOny Lawless?

 
At February 20, 2006 2:56 AM , Blogger Tony Lawless said...

Well, I live and teach in Seoul, and I like your blog, which I read every couple of days.

I don't know how detailed a description you are looking for.

 
At February 20, 2006 9:06 AM , Blogger Jessica said...

neither do I, I guess.

 
At February 24, 2006 8:42 AM , Blogger TickToo said...

Monte Python also did a skit about a blancmange on the rampage. Tony's got a thing for brit-com.

Really Jessy. You should have gotten that joke. I'm disamapointenated.

 
At February 25, 2006 2:53 AM , Blogger Jessica said...

hey brother,

Monty Python's your thing, not mine. I'm into bfps, trumpet, being a great English student, going to McMaster... and all those other things that are mine, mine, mine!

 
At June 07, 2007 5:09 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm korean and I don't
find any of those true at all


are you Korean by any chance?

 
At July 23, 2007 10:02 PM , Anonymous Yuna said...

I'm Korean and found these totally hilarious!
but then again, I'm pretty white-washed/twinkie
these are very original, and so funny

 
At November 28, 2007 3:16 AM , Blogger texasglo said...

been here a year and 3 months and this is the funniest thing i've read since i've been here. does that make me korean?

 
At February 18, 2009 10:14 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I find this a bit racsit. Plus, I'm korean and none of these are true. Are you korean? If not how would you know this stuff?

 
At March 14, 2009 3:53 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

... Can't stop laughing, ... funny true observations (to a large extent anyway ..)... Witness many of those regularly ...

 
At March 14, 2009 7:33 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

err...most of them are not true. Even if they were just a "joke," I find them extremely stereotypical and racist.

 
At March 14, 2009 7:51 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Annoying. what kind of post is this?

 
At March 22, 2009 2:12 AM , Anonymous Tyler said...

In Michigan we have 2 seasons: Winter, which lasts 7 months, and Construction, which lasts the rest of the year.

 
At April 20, 2009 10:40 AM , Blogger suddenly said...

BWAH! so true!

 
At April 20, 2009 3:55 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

some of them made me chuckle...most were nowhere near true...eh...my mother is korean

 
At June 15, 2009 3:26 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

70 is TRUE unless you're a foreigner. I don't think a Korean woman would smoke outside...unless she was from the US, and she didn't realize it was a "no no" over there.

78 is TRUE! My mother would do this after hitting my back and chest for a couple of minutes. It always worked when I had the fever/flu. I was healthy the next day. It takes about 20 minutes. You have to hit the back/chest for a few minutes, and then prick the thumb. WORKS!!!

88 is TRUE! I never use deodorant.

I can't agree with you on the dog meat. It's eaten during the summer months, and men eat it to increase their sex drive. Whatever.
Trust me. It's not kimchi. We don't eat it on a regular basis.
I'm Korean. I have never eaten dog meat. I don't even like eating chicken. The only time my dad ate dog meat was during the Korean War because he was starving.

Every country eats "weird" food. I would like to believe that it started because people were starving. Who knows. Who cares.
I miss Korea.

 
At June 15, 2009 3:29 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have to agree that some were true.

However, there were so many that were NOT true.

Not very open-minded for someone who taught in Korea.

 
At August 09, 2009 2:15 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

83) You put corn on/in any kind of Western food..?? Why would we do that? I've never seen anyone do that. I know this is supposed to be funny but some of these things rnt true at all and some of them make us look bad.

 
At November 03, 2009 6:20 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Imma let you finish, but Justin Han sweats the most koreanness of all time!

 
At January 22, 2010 4:24 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

this is insulting to koreans. so many of these comments are untrue. you're not korean, don't think you can understand korean culture by spending time teaching english to koreans.

 
At February 01, 2010 2:31 AM , Blogger Melanie said...

While yes, some of them are racist, a lot of them aren't and several of them I've experienced or are exaggerations of my experiences. And while there is no excuse for the racist ones, if it helps, the people who read them probably already like Korean people and those comments won't make them feel bad about them. I <3 Korea and Koreans =]

 
At April 25, 2010 8:21 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thought this might be a light and funny list but wow, there are some really harsh stuff on here. Like about the superior race thing? Was your experience in Korea that terrible? Did the culture and the people there seem that ignorant and primitive to you?

 
At May 05, 2010 9:47 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

HAHAHAHA I am Korean and i think it's brilliant! But i have to agree with other ppl not all of it is true.

 
At August 09, 2010 12:08 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

some of this might be true but a lot of it came out to be very insulting- rather than funny. you should be careful on how you word things... and im not korean btw. but if i was i think id be more offended.

 
At September 03, 2010 1:25 AM , Blogger Literature Student!!! said...

haloooo...
im a Filipino .....
im writing not to interrupt da discussion but just to say something about my side not only as an admirer of Koreans but as a Korean at hearts in deed
...... it doesn't matter on what Koreans are, besides whats wrong in it ...
if i would be given a chance to change my nationality aside from being a proud Filipino , i would choose to be a Korean...
i love kimchi so much .......
and i also love to wear mini skirts.... though in Philippines is so warm....
i love Korean trends so much....

 
At April 02, 2011 10:04 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

almost all of this crap is fucking insulting...though i kinda agree with hetrosexual men dressing like they're gay...

 
At April 02, 2011 10:28 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

what's your problem?
you're white, so they probably looked up to you, you got a fair wage, and you didn't even need to know korean.

you've leeched off this country and you go about making us look bad.
now i'm actually glad we're homogeneous, there're less people lke you.
i hate you racist bitch and i'm sure the rest of korea will agree

 
At July 17, 2011 9:51 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

this is the most stupidest stuff I've ever read in my life. wow. never knew people could be so dumb and racist... by the way, I'm not Asian. get a life, kid.

 
At August 07, 2011 8:14 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

i lived in korea most of my life and I didn't read all of them but most of them are wrong lol. who made this?

 
At October 19, 2011 6:33 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Those claiming to be Korean but denying the list are in denial. You might have to explain some of them, ie. 12 years old and not home by 10 (have to attend a hagwon). 25 and still living at home (Koreans live w/ parents until they get married). More TP in the living room than in the bathroom (Koreans use TP as napkins).

 
At April 18, 2012 9:17 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am a Canadian who has been living in Korea for the past eight months and have had honest and true experiences containing most of the things on this list. The ones I haven't experienced, I took with a grain of salt and had a little laugh. Stereotypes emerge from every race, ethnicity, age group, religion, gender and them being pointed out in this case was not to offend anyone (I can assume).
Also, those of you reading who commented that you were offended, what did you honestly expect when you opened a post titled "You know you're Korean when..."? A list of how gracious and kind and clean and brilliant Korean people are?! This is the internet. Please try to get over yourselves and take life a little less seriously.

 
At July 21, 2012 12:34 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ok. So I found this post hilarious! To the people taking offence to it, chill!! Would you rather someone posting this actually TRYING to be racist or just for entertainment? Jeez, learn how to take a joke! Trust me even if this were meant to be racist, you have not seen racist yet. Also, those talking about not knowing Korean culture, she's in Korea, right? So it's the same as going to America, or Brazil, and learning their culture, and trashing JB, Chris Brown, or Lady Gaga. You have a right to. Why? You’ve been here long enough to state a valid opinion. You think you can come to America and know American culture? Uhm, Duh!! So yes, I think she kind of does. Lastly, people make " Black Jokes " around me and I never take offence to it! Like the all time favorite, we love chicken and all flavors of Cool-Aide. Its just jokes...

 

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