Thursday, October 20, 2005

My new lamp

For four months I've hated the flourescent lighting in my apartment and hemmed and hawed over purchasing a lamp for my bedside table. I saw some for thirty thousand but didn't think it was worth spending the money. I'm only here for a year. I could make it for a year without the lamp, couldn't I? But it really bugged me. I hated the lighting. Sure I'm only here for one year but isn't my sanity and comfort worth the investment?

I think this state of mind is problematic. And I live my life with this problematic state of mind all the time.

In recent years (or have I always been this way?) I have felt as if the places I find myself are only temporary. Because of this I tend not to make the effort. I don't pursue friendships or relationships because I see them as coming to an end whenever that experience does, and this leaves me unsatisfied, either with limitedly fulfilling relationships or lousy lighting.

Last year I was graduating so why bother? Then I was moving to Korea so why bother? Now I'm only in Korea for one year so why bother?

But when will my life be really my life forever? That's a ridiculous question. Why? Because relationships, be it romantic or otherwise, cross experiences. And because thirty thousand won equals thirty bucks. Plus I could always take a lamp home with me if I so choose.

I better change my state of mind.

Luckily I can put it off for now because my leaving coworker gave me her lamp. And you'd be surprised how happy and comforted I feel in my low light.

1 Comments:

At October 21, 2005 1:27 AM , Blogger Shells Bells said...

Lamps are good...I'm so greatful for mine..the lighting can be really crappy in the apartments except for my cool blue black light which I am sure you are jealous of! ;) Anyway glad to hear you found a little lighting comfort!

 

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