Seeking refuge in low lighting
I'm feeling irritable, a little down, this evening.
Today I did just what I had planned which was to lounge around in bed all day and read. I'm reading this (so far) great book called "Red China Blues" by Jan Wong, a second generation Canadian with Chinese ancestry who comes of age in the seventies and heads to communist China in an effort to enhance her thinking. The book has thus far been an account of her experiences and thought processes as a young and passionate person. She talks about the ideologies and books that she was reading and being influenced by at that stage of her life.
This and other things lately have made me feel like I don't know anything about anything. That makes me irritable. I find myself saying things like "I haven't seen that" and "I don't know anything about that" regularly. I'm dull and unknowledgable. I don't know anything about world history or theories or even pop culture. What do I know? I don't even know what I do know.
Last time I felt down it was Jack Johnson that I played in the light of my lamp. Today it's the Decemberists. You should check them out.
Sometimes I pretend that I know things or that I'm hip with some kind of underground indie movie and music scene. But I'm not. I think of myself as a smart person but I can't get my thoughts together.
I bought the book in an effort to learn something about China and some of its history so I can have a greater appreciation and understanding of what I see while I'm there. I guess that's what I need to keep doing to change what's bothering me. Or maybe I'm just bothered because a phone call never came. Or because I don't like sharing food. Or because it's Sunday night. Anyway.
posted by Jessica @ 7:17 a.m.
7 Comments
7 Comments:
Isn't this why you went to South Korea in the first place?
I guess it is. And instead I'm more aware of the things I don't know.
Well at least you are aware, even if it does torment you!
I would much rather know someone who is aware and open-minded to new experiences etc. than someone who thinks there is nothing more they need to know and would rather keep their eyes and ears shut to the world.
mel
Jess don't feel badly, I find living in this country numbs your brain a little bit. I've always found your conversation to be stimulating and you definitely don't seem unintelligent so I wouldn't worry. Plus you look great! Nothing to feel down about :)
Thanks Mel. It's true. I hate that attitude some people carry around that they know everything and are unwilling to bend or learn alternate viewpoints.
Damn, someone told me something about the Decemberists but I promptly forgot it. Thanks for nuthin' Tony. :)
Yo Shelly! As long as I look hot what does my mind matter!!! Ah ha ha. Luckily I'm surrounded by countless freaks so I really should feel just fine. You and the ladies uncounted, of course.
Tony erroneously supports the false dichotomy offered by Mel. There is a wide range between uncritical openmindedness and closed-minded pig-headedness. The pursuit of knowledge requires an open mind, but as Allan Bloom pointed out, teaching students to read without equipping them to decide what's worth reading is a wasted effort. I'm not sure Socrates would have visited South Korea in the 21st Century - it simply is not embued with greatness.
Simply.
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